Undescribable Feeling

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Feeling, it is just so hard to be explained, especially when it gets so complicated.

Likewise writing a simple thing on this blog. I have kept writing undone, left all those in my draft. 

Strange how a writer can’t pour down the correct and appropriate writing on her own blog. Maybe too much things to be written down or to be explained, till there’s no words enough to describe all that. Strange.

As a part of the feeling – to be in love is amazing. To stay to be in love, it is a work to do. Even to survive on it, it takes a whole lot of efforts.

“I am my own soldier.” Yes hell, I am. 

As love and feeling are abstract things – can’t be touched to make it simple – I have failed just to state how much I have it now. Just hope that maybe, some other senses that are there, can catch it up. 

If i keep survive for thing that is important to me, will it make me such a pushy ? What if all I know is just that ? 

Others may not believe, but how can i not believe in myself ?

“I am my own soldier.”

To remain strong, to hold on, to survive and to make things come true. There might not be many options from my side, but to crash till the end.

Feeling, it’s so hard to be explained. Still. Even my words can’t describe my own feeling in an enough way.

Relationship

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Relationship

It takes two to tango to make one.

It is mutual, reciprocate. Take and give, as a simple example.

There should be respect, need, responsibility and also realization – that somehow relationship should be taken care by two.

It is not a burden as it is a delightful task to be done.

One goal to be set up and to be reached.

I want to make it lasted forever for sure.

“A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other. Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late or maybe forever”, Dave Matthews Band.

{Love is…}

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Love is when you feel that you can totally free just to be yourself when you’re with that particular someone. Be honest about who you really are.

Love is when you feel that you are in a strange comfy stage and place that you can call them as ‘home of a heart’.

Love is when you feel that you have that sort of  ’strange addiction’ of each of one presence. Like you can’t live with and can’t live without.

Love is when you feel that you can cry and laugh at the same time. Being completely emotional unstable in short time. ‘Crazy’ maybe in a short way to call.

Here’s some what love is from my perspective. Well, I am sure that I will learn some more about what love is on the way.

Grateful

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This morning like usual, I needed to get up around 3 am – 3.30 am.  Took a shower, got ready and left before 4 am from home. I need to drive for mom to the market. She needs to go there to do the shopping for her little food stall.

Weird, somehow it’s still so hard to do, even though as I said before - it’s a daily routine of mine during weekdays before I go to work.

A little sigh came out of my mouth. Put my face in a real ugly mode on. Lack of sleeping. “ Tired, tired, tired !“.

But when I really saw my mom’s face that slept next to me when we were on the way, I got a real hard slap on my face. “Shame on you”, I said to myself. She looks so old – well yes she’s nearly 60 years old. Her face has a lot of wrinkles everywhere there. She looks more tired than me but really she never complains ! Just once or twice maybe, she says that she feels feverish. That’s it. Then how can I be so cranky or grumpy when someone who is twice of my age can really survive with it ?

I kept staring at her face, really don’t know how she can handle all the difficulties that was, is and will be happened in her life. She is a tough woman. She might not be a smart person in her life, but she is a real hard worker. She might not be able to hear properly now, but she always listens to my chirps in the car when we are on the way – to go or even back home. She might not have all the money in the world, but she never forgets to do the charity. And once more, she never complains – no matter how tired she is, or how hard life can be at her. She’s a working mother, a supportive back-bone of the family and an individual.  I just don’t know how she does all of it.

“Forgive me God, for I have sinned”, I said to myself.

There are lots of things that I really should be grateful for sure.

Lack of sleeping time, well…if I can sleep 4 – 5 hours in a day, she definitely has less hour than that. I just work in front of the pc whole day while she needs to cook and serve all the customers whole day.

Really should start to be more grateful. Have a good family, a good home, a good living, a good work, a good special someone – all might not be perfect but yes…it’s all good.

“To feel grateful is one of the most important experiences we need as humans. When we feel it, there is an acceptance of everything in our life.” 
                                                                                      - Barbara Brennan

{ Maybe Someday }

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When we fight, you twitch the space in between your eyes. It’s so cute, as usual, I say. Not only that, an ignorant face that you show, “snob !” as I always say too. I will say as much as “sorry” words as I always do, so that you can be less upset to me.

When we both laugh, you show your charming smirk on the tip of your corner lips which I really love to see. The chubby cheeks, they grow bigger than usual too when you’re laughing.

When we both stay in silent, I just feel comfort by looking at you. No need to say words, no need to do much efforts – I just know I am loved by you. Your eyes, they get so soft and so deep. Your heart can be read, it’s sincere and there are thousands of calmly feeling there. I just wanna get lost inside of it.

Maybe someday,
When we fight, I just can hug you instead of saying sorry like I used to do.
When we laugh, I just can see your smirk directly or pinch your chubby cheeks in my hands.
Or when we stays in silence, I just can hold your hands, so tight.

Maybe someday…